Tomorrow is my last day on the job. For the last year and a half I've been the production coordinator for FusionFall, a kid-targeted MMORPG based on many of the popular Cartoon Network brands and characters. This was my first job after graduation in '08, and it's been truly great. I've learned a ton, honed my skills, met interesting people, etc. It was a perfect first step into the game industry.
But this job has also taught me a lot of "life stuff." Some of it I expected, like learning how to live alone and how to manage money, but some I did not expect. A few weeks ago (just before Thanksgiving) I learned that I, and most of my co-workers, had been laid off. Layoffs are no stranger for some of my co-workers, but one thing I've learned through this process is that no one gets used to losing his job. The last month has been a very strange time, watching people process, react or fail to react, and say goodbye. I've noticed some "typing" of the people I work with. No one took the news happily, of course, but some bounced back very quickly, looking to the future and getting excited about new possibilities. One friend in particular has had a hard time moving on.
For my part the whole experience has been strange, enriching, scary, and a host of other things. When I first got the news I felt very detached. A lot of people were visibly upset, but I kept thinking "I'm 23, unmarried, no kids, this is no big deal." Ultimately that's proven true. I already have a new job and I'm really excited about it. But in between the layoff and the new hire I felt a real tangible sadness and worry. It reminded me of winters in Chicago, right about February, when the endless season of gray starts to push its way into your thoughts constantly, sort of forcing you to remember it's out there, waiting.
And now that worry should be over. New opportunities await. The aggressive, hungry part of me is so ready for this, but that's not the only part of me that's had to react to losing a job. The layoff came pretty much as a surprise, on the cusp of a big launch for us (now canned), and so much feels unfinished. This past week I've spent most of my time at work tying up lose ends: Letting people know I'm leaving, organizing my files to pass on to my boss, finishing production on one last promo and getting a final batch of audio out for post-production. But tying off the tangible lose ends hasn't done much for tying off the intangible ones. I think everyone feels the same way. It's like someone running a meeting stopped talking mid-sentence. Everyone there is waiting for someone to tie it all up, but we aren't running the meeting, so what can we say?
So tomorrow morning I go in for two hours, grab the stuff I've packed up, then turn in my badge and leave. I'm going to see Avatar with some friends from work, and then I'm on Christmas vacation. Maybe this is how it goes, and some things are left unfinished. Farther along, maybe unfinished things like this project will take their place in the larger picture of my life, and then not seem so unfinished anymore. Or maybe something like this stays on top like a scar: it doesn't hurt anymore, but it's there.
Scarred or fully healed, it's true than everything has turned out just fine. My I-have-no-job panic was remarkably compressed, mostly due to my bosses and bosses bosses doing a great job of looking out for me. But the sideways feeling remains. I've been anxious to write about the whole process since it began, and I thought I had enough perspective, now that it should be concluded, to get it right, but in writing I realize I'm not finished yet.
Anyway, at least Avatar looks pretty sweet.
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